An Ode to Fred Meyer

You’ve served me well for 17 years, but now it’s time for me to move on.

I can’t say I’m sorry to see you disappear from my life.

The new ‘improvements’ you’ve made means I now spend twice as much time on my grocery shopping. And why did you do away with some of my favorite items, only to add more unhealthy pop and flavored waters?

The checkout stands with a moving belt sound like a good idea on paper, but when there’s no one at the end of the belt to bag up the groceries it means the checker has to come out of her station to bag them. And the weighing device in the bulk items area is often not working or out of paper. For a brand new machine this is disgraceful.

You’ve done some things right – I love the idea of giving free fresh fruit to children and the fresh produce area is very nice.

But now it’s time for me to move on. Rosauers – here I come!

Rosauers Grocery and Pharmacy will open this weekend with all kinds of specials events and sales. Come and check it out!

            Paul Harvey

Paul Harvey wrote this in 1964 for his radio broadcast, ‘Now You Know the Rest of the Story.’ That was 55 years ago. Read it and tremble.

“If I were the devil … If I were the Prince of Darkness, I’d want to engulf the whole world in darkness. And I’d have a third of its real estate, and four-fifths of its population, but I wouldn’t be happy until I had seized the ripest apple on the tree — Thee. So I’d set about however necessary to take over the United States. I’d subvert the churches first — I’d begin with a campaign of whispers. With the wisdom of a serpent, I would whisper to you as I whispered to Eve: ‘Do as you please.’

“To the young, I would whisper that ‘The Bible is a myth.’ I would convince them that man created God instead of the other way around. I would confide that what’s bad is good, and what’s good is ‘square.’ And the old, I would teach to pray, after me, ‘Our Father, which art in Washington…’

“And then I’d get organized. I’d educate authors in how to make lurid literature exciting, so that anything else would appear dull and uninteresting. I’d threaten TV with dirtier movies and vice versa. I’d pedal narcotics to whom I could. I’d sell alcohol to ladies and gentlemen of distinction. I’d tranquilize the rest with pills.

“If I were the devil I’d soon have families that war with themselves, churches at war with themselves, and nations at war with themselves; until each in its turn was consumed. And with promises of higher ratings I’d have mesmerizing media fanning the flames. If I were the devil I would encourage schools to refine young intellects, but neglect to discipline emotions — just let those run wild, until before you knew it, you’d have to have drug sniffing dogs and metal detectors at every schoolhouse door.

“Within a decade I’d have prisons overflowing, I’d have judges promoting pornography — soon I could evict God from the courthouse, then from the schoolhouse, and then from the houses of Congress. And in His own churches I would substitute psychology for religion, and deify science. I would lure priests and pastors into misusing boys and girls, and church money. If I were the devil I’d make the symbols of Easter an egg and the symbol of Christmas a bottle.

“If I were the devil I’d take from those who have, and give to those who wanted until I had killed the incentive of the ambitious. And what do you bet? I couldn’t get whole states to promote gambling as thee way to get rich? I would caution against extremes and hard work, in Patriotism, in moral conduct. I would convince the young that marriage is old-fashioned, that swinging is more fun, that what you see on TV is the way to be. And thus I could undress you in public, and I could lure you into bed with diseases for which there is no cure. In other words, if I were the devil I’d just keep right on doing on what he’s doing. Paul Harvey, good day.”

T – is it true?

H – is it helpful?

I – is it inspiring?

N – is it necessary?

K – is it kind?